1 of the most potent criteria for personal transformation is willingness. My counselor, back when I began this project, shortly after my life imploded, said I was one of the easiest clients she had ever worked with. I thanked her for that compliment. She said I was willing to own all my crap and grieve it and work through it….and did I mention that I was willing to own it?
While I realize that you must be willing to own your life, the good, the bad and the WTF?! were you thinking, it’s not enough to be willing. As you clear emotions, old stories and bull shit that doesn’t apply to you, narratives that someone else planted in your brain. As an aside, the narratives they don’t share but expect you to fulfill, are control mechanisms.
I am trying to heal this last part and everything, every sign has been saying ‘You CANNOT, WILL NOT move forward until you heal this because everybody, including you, deserve only awesomeness but you’re still in “if you always do what you’ve always done” land’…so we are stopped. Paused in this place, trying to name the pain, feel it, deal with it and heal it forever.
The fact is, I don’t know what’s next but I know it’s huge and beautiful and better by leaps and bounds than where I am now. I just gotta be brave enough…to see who I really am. Because God knows I’m willing!