I Can’t Scream…And Other Thoughts

So, in my last post, I talked about writing the letter to my rapist and reading it aloud. I’ve read it 4 times. No tears now. But the desire to write another letter. And a few realizations, the biggest one being that I cannot scream or yell.

I mean, I can yell or scream when cheering on my teams but where there’s emotion, I can’t seem to do it. I have dreams where I’m trying to protect myself or strike someone and scream and nothing comes out. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

I tried to tell self that nobody’s going to get in trouble, no one will get yelled at and that it’s OK to scream or yell. Nothing. I think that may be the well spring. I do feel drawn to write another letter so I’ll do that after the game tonight.

And then, there was the dream last night. “The guy” was all up in it. Don’t remember specifics but I thought it was interesting nonetheless.

On another note, I missed dance class last Sunday. Went in today and KILLED it! 🙂 Got complimented and everything.

On that happy note…

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About spawtyspice

I was once a victim of a horrible act. Now, I'm a thriver, and sharing my experiences with Spartan Racing, training, spiritual awakening, food, yoga, being a fur mom, intuitive and whatever else strikes my fancy! Faith, family, fun! Blessed beyond compare! Won't you join me?
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