As I work toward healing, I remember one of the 1st things I read in an excellent book that I highly recommend, In The Meantime by Iyanla VanZant. She talks about knowing, trusting your knowing and knowing when you know that you know.
Are you still with me? Are you wondering what the hell I’m talking about? OK, allow me to back up.
Ever had a feeling, call it gut instinct, intuition, whatever and then thought or said aloud, “Nah, that can’t be RIGHT?!” But you would swear on something sacred that it just feels RIGHT?!
Even if your inner critic is saying something like, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!” or “Are you KIDDING me?” or “Let me tell you the 99 reasons why that won’t work!”, when you learn to trust your knowing, and you will know, no pun intended, when that happens, it’s pretty awesome and will take you to new places.
As I’ve grown, I’ve learned to trust that voice, which is a new thing for me. I’ve learned to crave quiet. It’s amazing the information you get when you shut up and tell the demons to quiet down, too. They oft leave once they realize this quiet thing is here to stay. I can hear my inner voice. Sometimes it’s “good job!” and other times it’s a simple, “I love you!”
Well, last summer, I met a guy. I found out how old he was, realized that rationally and logically he was way too young for me and we were in 2 totally different places in our lives, so let it be. (Yes, I realize that since we didn’t have an in-depth discussion, I am assuming this…)
The Inner Mean Girl/rational me was saying, “Girl, he’s hot but he’s also way too young for you. Walk away…walk away…”
I went back to what I was doing…we were seated at the same table, across from one another, and he was really nice as were the other people at the table. Anyway…at one point toward the end of the event, I looked up and noticed him staring at me, smiling. Most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. They sparkled.
So I left that evening, not daring to flirt with him, that rational voice telling me “I don’t THINK SO!” That was August. I kept getting this feeling like I was supposed to meet him and there was more to it and…ignore it, he’s too young, you’re in the middle of your stuff…
I later found out some interesting info about him. And I went back to ignoring it. It was still scratching at my brain…it was fall now.
So then, one day I’m listening to a webinar and the guest says to the host, “Are you still dating so-and-so?”
G: “Do you remember what he was wearing when you met him?”
G:”What did you have for dinner last Friday?”
H: “No idea! I have the worst memory!”
And it hit me. I remember details about the guy. What he was wearing, mannerisms, what was said…and I have a crappy memory. Just a lil freaked out at that realization.
Then one day in December, I had this moment when I thought I was going to explode. “OKAY! Enough, I’ll say something!”
I crafted a note about it was great meeting him, complimenting him and that was it….ran it by a good friend…and hit send.
And the scratching and “stuff” in my head vanished.
Not a clue what it means but something tells me that I KNOW what I KNOW and that’s all I really need to KNOW.
I’ve trusted my knowing on several other issues and not been wrong yet.
When you KNOW, you KNOW. But learning and trusting your KNOWING is a process. And yes, people will think you’re crazy. The good news is, if you are indeed crazy, you’re in excellent company! And we have cookies in crazy land. Just sayin’…
I need to differentiate believing from knowing…a new post perhaps?