So, they tell you as you start to heal that eventually, when you clear away the hate, the anger, the resentment, the shame, the rage, the STUFF that’s been weighing you down, you will encounter someone new. Or someone familiar.
Maybe you knew this person before the trauma occurred and they tried to protect themselves, to survive, so they “sheltered in place”.
When trauma happens, the human body goes into survival mode until it knows it doesn’t have to be there anymore. When you’re raped, your body is trying to protect you, because it doesn’t know what’s next.
I can only speak to my experience with date rape but the shock of who are you and why are you doing this to me? I thought you cared about me…It’s taking a hammer to a glass globe chandelier. It’s shattered. Into a million pieces.
For me, so far healing from my rape has been filled with lots of letting go, praying, crying, acceptance and forgiveness. Every time I cry or tell God I’m ready to let go, and so on, another layer is peeled back.
So, I had asked my Case Manager week before last if I’d know when I “met” new me. I’ve never known another me so…
She said, yes, you will. It’ll be strange at first. I’m in the ‘at first’ stage so when it goes to the next I’ll let you know but I must say, I’m focused on the good, healing, happy, positive. I’m excited for the future and working to heal the last vestiges of Mark though I’m pretty sure they are, finally and thank God, almost gone!