No, it’s not what you think…then again, if you’re following my blog, you know that. I’m not pregnant, well not in the usual human way.
When you’re working on you, doing your inner work, facing fears big and small, eventually you start doing new things and incorporating new people while at the same time leaving old things/people who no longer fit behind.
As an example, I took up Zumba in February. A friend of mine teaches it and my original intention was to support her. Now I do it because I love it and the people that stop and stare into the glass front studio…whatever, I’m having fun!
I’ve also had people drop out of my life, one of whom I hurt unintentionally and the other I “offended”. The latter is back in my life, the former is not. Both had to go through stuff without me around, for themselves. I’ve been more withdrawn from my friends of late but I know why.
So, last week I was asked to keep journaling, which I’ve gotten quite good at. I’ll feel this need to journal “right now”, so if I am able, I stop what I’m doing and sit and journal “right then”.
Lots of asking myself questions and seeing what comes up. For example, I asked self about what felt like negative. Self is scared because this is new. Yup, and fear is warranted. I have it under control but I can see how you’d be afraid of new. There is change coming. Yup, there is. It’s going to be awesome….that’s the giving birth. Except there is no emergency c-section, no doctor with forceps to pull you out of yourself and no pitocin to induce “labor”.
But you’ll know when you’re letting go of old beliefs, ideas, hurts, pain, forgiving things for your own purposes (it’s about you, not them!), you are slowly giving birth to the new you and yes, it’s scary and painful. You can’t be sober and drunk at the same time. Doesn’t work like that…
The flip side…death of the old.