So, I’m in love with Katy Perry’s “Roar”….could be my anthem, actually.
IRL, I have a photographer friend. I did a spontaneous visualization. I imagined my doing a session with him listening to this song with my boyfriend in the room. I felt the song and was in tears, I was acting it out, “roaring”, feeling every emotion in the song, crying, visualizing my boyfriend standing off to the side in complete awe of me but wanting to protect me…I mean I was in tears. The photographer’s asking me if I want to stop. I’m ignoring him and just going with it. There was just something incredibly raw and cathartic about it.
IRL, In my head, I’m thinking what these photos are going to look like; in my heart and soul, there’s something awesome and sexy and cathartic about sharing it, letting it out, letting it just be what it is, without judgment.
As I visualize, the song’s about 2/3 done and my boyfriend’s looking at me and walks up to me, puts his arms around me and apologizes for getting in the middle of it but wants to make sure I am OK because even though I said I was OK and I didn’t utter the safe word, he wanted to hold me for a minute and make sure. I’m OK, I reassure him. He kisses my forehead. I am so lucky and blessed and overjoyed that we’re dating and that he wants to protect me. He asks if I’m sure I’m OK. Yes, I’m sure. If you were looking in from the street, you’d think I was destroyed and in a way, I guess I was and am but reality is, I’m healing.
I’m letting old me die and feeling what that feels like, to let go entirely and finally of someone I love dearly but who no longer serves a purpose…devastating. And simultaneously giving birth to beautiful, lovely, strong new me with infinite possibilities, joy and happiness that are probably illegal in some parts.
I’m very raw and emotional and vulnerable and that’s OK with me…almost there. Almost. There.
And joyous…I’m dying and birthing at the same time.
IRL, I can feel wet tears, I open my eyes and I’m thinking, holy crap, when I really do this photo session, that photo is going to look amazing!
And you’re going to hear me ROAR!