Fireworks at 1AM

Or, more specifically, firework. Singular. Just the one. It happened outside my window about 10 minutes ago. Scared my cat right off the sofa and onto the floor. Left me a little dumbfounded as to why someone sets off a single firecracker at 1:16AM on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Then I thought about it in the context of this evening and my life at the present moment and wonder if it wasn’t a message from God and the Universe.

You see, it’s just the 4th of February and January was one of those weird months when I felt really heavy emotionally, stuck if you will. It’s also my birthday month. Right around my birthday, I had a conversation with my dad about my freelance work, or the lack thereof, my life and how he thought I should go look for a “real” job. By that, he means a job that requires me to dress up, put on heels and leave the house to go to a building and work for someone else. In his eyes, after 30+ years in the job with the same company, that equals stability.

For me, having had several “real” jobs, and having been let go from two of them in 4 years, out of the blue, when the housing market started to go wonky, there is no stability. Anybody who’s ever been laid off or fired knows what I mean. Especially when your record at work was spotless, you did everything asked of you and more, etc.

So, anyway, I cried, after explaining this to my dad, who didn’t get though he tried. Then I got off the phone with him, brushed up my resume and began applying for “real” jobs. While I continue to search for more and better freelance work and do the work I have, grateful beyond words and measure for all of it.

Well, yesterday, I got an email from one of the places I applied to requesting that I call to schedule an interview. Which I did. And then my mind went into freak out mode. Oh my God what if…and I had to stop myself. GO to the interview. It’s ONLY an interview. It’s a little like a first date. Go in with no expectations, appreciate the experience and let it just be what it is.

So, then I started thinking, maybe this isn’t about the job itself. As soon as I read the email, I felt contraction and fear in my body, right before the freaking out and ‘what if’s entered my mind. So, I changed my focus to forcing myself to be open to this. It’s an interview.

I’m a big believer that sometimes you can’t experience something without a trigger. Sometimes you have to have a trigger to feel or experience something. A little like turning on the stove to boil water. There is no boiling water without heat.

I have a webinar earlier this evening that forced some more “fireworks” internally and an email I just read which prompted still more internal “fireworks” and external tears. So, I’ve been trying to dig and unravel the mystery.
I must say, I am curious as to whether anyone else heard the errant purple firework or if it was just for me?

Advertisements

About spawtyspice

I was once a victim of a horrible act. Now, I'm a thriver, and sharing my experiences with Spartan Racing, training, spiritual awakening, food, yoga, being a fur mom, intuitive and whatever else strikes my fancy! Faith, family, fun! Blessed beyond compare! Won't you join me?
This entry was posted in change, inner work, personal growth, therapy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s