Or, more specifically, firework. Singular. Just the one. It happened outside my window about 10 minutes ago. Scared my cat right off the sofa and onto the floor. Left me a little dumbfounded as to why someone sets off a single firecracker at 1:16AM on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Then I thought about it in the context of this evening and my life at the present moment and wonder if it wasn’t a message from God and the Universe.
You see, it’s just the 4th of February and January was one of those weird months when I felt really heavy emotionally, stuck if you will. It’s also my birthday month. Right around my birthday, I had a conversation with my dad about my freelance work, or the lack thereof, my life and how he thought I should go look for a “real” job. By that, he means a job that requires me to dress up, put on heels and leave the house to go to a building and work for someone else. In his eyes, after 30+ years in the job with the same company, that equals stability.
For me, having had several “real” jobs, and having been let go from two of them in 4 years, out of the blue, when the housing market started to go wonky, there is no stability. Anybody who’s ever been laid off or fired knows what I mean. Especially when your record at work was spotless, you did everything asked of you and more, etc.
So, anyway, I cried, after explaining this to my dad, who didn’t get though he tried. Then I got off the phone with him, brushed up my resume and began applying for “real” jobs. While I continue to search for more and better freelance work and do the work I have, grateful beyond words and measure for all of it.
Well, yesterday, I got an email from one of the places I applied to requesting that I call to schedule an interview. Which I did. And then my mind went into freak out mode. Oh my God what if…and I had to stop myself. GO to the interview. It’s ONLY an interview. It’s a little like a first date. Go in with no expectations, appreciate the experience and let it just be what it is.
So, then I started thinking, maybe this isn’t about the job itself. As soon as I read the email, I felt contraction and fear in my body, right before the freaking out and ‘what if’s entered my mind. So, I changed my focus to forcing myself to be open to this. It’s an interview.
I’m a big believer that sometimes you can’t experience something without a trigger. Sometimes you have to have a trigger to feel or experience something. A little like turning on the stove to boil water. There is no boiling water without heat.
I have a webinar earlier this evening that forced some more “fireworks” internally and an email I just read which prompted still more internal “fireworks” and external tears. So, I’ve been trying to dig and unravel the mystery.
I must say, I am curious as to whether anyone else heard the errant purple firework or if it was just for me?